Fusion rocked the house last night!!!

Last night, Fusion was amazing! The band was so amazing and led everyone in some amazing worship. Sam had to la la, which always makes me smile. Everything just felt right last night once Fusion got started. Michael shared a message about sticking with God through hard times and shared some really encouraging stuff about how to do that. One of my fav quotes from the night was, "If you are worried about something, pray about it. If you've prayed about it, stop worrying about it." It's so simple to say that but sometimes so hard to do.

I have friends who are worriers, and I have come to the realization that I'm an avoider. I adhere way more to the quote than I do to hanging on to worries. Not that I go through life worry-free, but I do turn stuff over to God and trust in Him to work His will, and I'm pretty much okay with whatever His will is. But I also have this thing inside me that can almost instantly detach from something that is going to make me cry, and somehow I can avoid dealing with the a painful emotion. I'm not saying this is a good thing. It's just how I work. It's a subconscious thing too, like I don't really even realize it's happening until the feeling to cry is gone almost in an instant. It's really weird how it works. Like I cry my eyes out at movies, but I guess it's when I'm faced with real-life situations that this avoidance thing kicks in. I'm not afraid to cry at all and have actually cried more recently than I have in a long time, and I am grateful that I am allowing myself to live in the moment and not avoid painful stuff again, because I had a guard up for a while there, but God has broken down this guard, and for that I am thankful. But here's what happens, like if I am facing a sad situation, I will avoid letting myself get too emotional about it until I am face to face with the sad situation, and then once I'm face to face with it, I totally break down - heavy and hard.

So I'm really into Mat Kearney right now. I am totally digging his cd, and especially the song, "All I Need."

Oh, and I got to text with Tanya in Africa today. I have never texted with anyone in a different country, much less on a different continent (thank you g-mail!). That was way cool! She's doing well. She had been sick but is feeling better. It brings me much joy to read about her experiences. She talked about how when they worship, they sing at the top of their lungs and they dance. Oh how I would love this freedom to worship in this way with a group of people!!! I want to dance for God and sing at the top of my lungs, and I do sing loud and I do move around, but when I'm in a group of people, it's always held back. Now I will let it all out in my living room and dance and sing, but I wish there wasn't this weird feeling when I'm in a worship service. I wish I didn't care so much about what someone would think, and I wish that everyone else was doing it, so if I did it, it wouldn't be so distracting to others. The worship conundrum for me i guess.