Most of what we do in worldly life is geared toward our staying dry, looking good, not going under. But in baptism, in lakes and rain and tanks and fonts, you agree to do something that's a little sloppy because at the same time it's also holy, and absurd. It's about surrender, giving in to all those things we can't control; it's a willingness to let go of balance and decorum and get drenched.
- Anne Lamott from "Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith"

I read this the day after I shared with my friends that I thought I needed balance, but I wasn’t sure that’s what God wanted for me. It came in a daily e-mail I get from Sojourners.

I just don’t believe God wants us to be balanced, because that would mean that the part of me that is affected by the world and the part of me that is affected by God are the same, and wouldn’t that somehow cancel both of them out? I have prayed for balance sooo many times in my life. I wonder if when I pray this, God wants to take me by the shoulders and shake some sense into me.

But isn’t that what we are in search of, some balance where everything fits into its little place all nice and cozy, so we are all comfortable and everything is right with the world? What about right with God? I’ve believed that this balance would bring me happiness. But now I’m not so sure of that. In fact I’m not sure of it at all.

I think God is waiting on me to do something absurd. Something the world wouldn’t be expecting me to do – to give in to the things I can’t control. But this would put me so far out of balance! Well, it would put me out of the balance I’ve been searching for, but then maybe I’d have to depend on God a whole lot more for balance instead of depending on me or my circumstances for balance.

I’ve never thought I was a very controlling person. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my moments, but really what it looks like to me is I’ve been trying to control an uncontrollable God. Oh, believe me, it’s a weak attempt to control God, but I think I have been attempting to nonetheless.

So as the beginning of the chorus of the song that was sung at Fusion last night echoes through my mind, “So you want to change the world? What are you waiting for?” I ask myself, what am I waiting for?

Bright Morning Star, Uncontrollable Power and Passion, help me to let go of my idea of balance and find my balance in You, not the things of this world. Let me find comfort in being uncomfortable and unbalanced, knowing that You have me in the palm of Your hand.